So You Want to Be a Commander!

You -- yes, you!  So you want to be a commander.  Someone in the lofty ranks above (where the oxygen is thin) has gone on to be chief of another agency.  Perhaps someone with a private office recently resigned shortly after that local news report of sleeping on duty … or was found to be soiling their desk blotter with the chief's secretary on Friday afternoon when everyone else cut out early.  Isn't it great news -- it means a huge opportunity for all you lieutenants out there!  Now it's time to take action to ensure your own promotion.  Here's what's necessary to run an effective campaign for a key (power) position.  (And rest assured -- it is a campaign.  Once you're at the level where you start saying the word "commander" without an expletive in front of it, you're immersed in the world of politics.)

It's all about visibility!
Copyright © 2014 MJ Miller

• Develop a Power Base.
• Let's face it:  there are few people you can trust when it comes to feathering your potential promotional nest.  It's critical, though, to identify key players.  Who plays golf with the chief?  Who owns the restaurant that serves free cocktails and steaks to the top staff? Who writes letters to the local newspaper?  Cultivate these individuals by doing them a great favor, even if it's unethical.  
• Increase Your Visibility
• Distribute department-wide emails clearly demonstrating your leadership skills.  Find a reason to do an email campaign -- think of it as mass-marketing (or, if you prefer, spamming) to your potential customer:  the chief himself, who can't help but be impressed. Make sure your emails reach the city manager, the mayor and council, and key citizens.   Don't hesitate to email often and email aggressively. There's a reason all the pay-day loan guys who run websites hawking their products pay a great deal of money for pop-up ads that annoy you every time you sign onto the local online sports news:  it's called advertising.  Seriously, would all these online entrepreneurs who are much smarter than you (and let's not even think about how much more income they earn) spend so much time spamming if it didn't work?  
• Form a committee (but make sure you call it a task force).  If you can't possibly think of yet one more committee / TF, join an existing committee -- and make sure you have a title, such as "chair," or "lead strategist." 
• Publicly Engage in Random Acts of Mentorship
• This is very rewarding as it involves copious amounts of coffee and many free meals. To be effective, though, it's not enough to just mentor someone for the benefit of developing future leaders, encouraging personal fulfillment, and molding young minds.  If you want to be a commander, your mentorship must be public and must appear to be heartfelt.  This means using that "all personnel" email to invite up-and-coming talent to coffee so they may have the benefit of your wisdom and leadership.  Even if you don't actually schedule any such meetings, the next time the chief asks you where you're headed in such a hurry as you accidentally bump into him in the hallway (plan those accidental meetings well in advance, by the way, and be sure you're wearing an impressive suit and tie), just mention, "Oh, chief, I've got to run.  I've got four mentorship meetings lined up with my sergeants."  Don't worry about the fact you only have three sergeants: the chief hasn't had to do his own math in a very long time, and he doesn't know shift schedules, anyhow.
• Grow Your Audience
• You must be heard if you want to be promoted!  Schedule yourself for the next all-manager's meeting to discuss one of your assigned projects.  Make sure you get the crowd early in the day before they all come up with pre-planned emergencies that require them to leave for the day after lunch.  Once you're in front of staff, take advantage of the chance to make an impression.  First, come well armed with material.  Make sure everyone knows you're in charge of the Department-Wide Technology Initiative, the Citizen's Budget Review Process, the Adjacent-Agencies Liaisonship, and the QE7B Process Improvement Review Task Force.  Make up words if none exist that convey your message. Generously sling buzzwords about.  You get extra points for each use of the following words:
• Critical
• Key
• Leadership
• Leverage
• Stewardship
• Stakeholder
• Strategy
• Summarily
• Transparency
• Value
• Visionary
• In addition, make abundant use of military terminology, warrior references, and body language that portrays you as a great tactician and soldier of the army of the righteous.  This will endear you to the hearts of the line-level officer.  Talk about "kill zone" and "target identification" when discussing budget projections.  Discuss "collateral damage" when addressing the critical issue of diminishing availability of office supplies.
• Ally Yourself with Influential People
• It is important to seem connected to famous or important people.  The authenticity of the connection isn't as important as the perception of the connection.  Drop references to socializing with celebrities, such as "Rush and I were golfing the other day and he mentioned that …" or "Here's an email the gov sent me the other day.  I think it's apropos for the situation we're facing."  
• Make sure you mention "personal friends."  Remember, there are two classes of friends:  just plain friends, who are the ones you actually associate with on and off duty, and "personal" friends, who are people you've met once and now you follow them on Twitter but they're very, very important in their field, or have political clout, or are simply famous for being famous (the very best kind of famous).  Now, normal people might mention, "My friend John," but a future commander must mention, "My personal friend Angus, who invented modern tactics."  
• Devote one shelf of your office book-case to autographed books from influential law-enforcement authors.  Make sure that the autograph is also a dedication to you and your own professionalism, even if you have to forge your own name and the words, "To my dear friend," next to the author's signature. Although you don't actually need to read that book on community policing or the text on issues involving militarization of the civilian police force, you must still flip through the pages so many times that it looks as if you've read and re-read it enough times to commit it to memory.  Caution:  books written by female authors will look out of place, no matter how valuable the content.  Keep those at home.
• Publicly Offer Left-Handed Compliments to the Competition (while Secretly Assassinating Their Reputation)
• This is not only effective, but great fun!  If you enjoy crossword puzzles, you're the right man (or woman) for this tactic.  This is where you publicly acknowledge the efforts of a colleague while summarily dismissing them.  For example, you might stand up in a staff meeting and say, "I first want to acknowledge my peer, Jane Doe, who put forward great effort in working on the Rutledge Community Partnership.  Jane, you made all of our jobs much easier.  It's a shame that the Rutledge Partnership ultimately failed -- it was a visionary project.  Frankly, I had underestimated your abilities and didn't think you were capable of pulling together so many people toward a common goal -- and I apologize for having that impression of you.  Both of the participants came together passionately for the duration of the project!"  Now, this does wonderful things in the minds of the audience:  it establishes you as superior to Jane Doe; it makes you sound gracious for commending her; and it plants doubts about her abilities in the perception of all who hear your words.  What's not to love?
• Meanwhile, you must employ a wink-and-nod campaign to destroy the peer's reputation behind closed doors or in the hallway.  This is easy.  Just act as if the person you're talking to is in on some big scandalous secret about the person you're targeting and say, "Well, you know Jane, her decision making skills …" and then leave the rest of the sentence unfinished as you interrupt yourself, looking at your smart phone screen, and say, "Oh!  Can't be late for that career development session with Lt. Jones.  Can you believe he wants MY help with working on his weaknesses?  Doesn't he know I'm the same rank he is?"  

There you go:  seven proven strategies for getting the commander's position.  You see, there's really no need to worry about preparing for interviews, writing position papers, or other components of the promotion process as they are written in the memorandum announcing the position.  You've certainly heard the adage about "preparation for promotion begins years before the process."  These are sure-fire ways to advertise yourself as the right "fit" for the job.  Obviously, everybody already knows about the requisite up-suckery and fawning over the chief.  Do his taxes, pick his kid up from school, and pick up the tab for lunch once a week, and you'll have that covered.  It's the techniques above that will set you apart from the rest.  

Now, go forth and inspire!

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